.... on the day when I was born....

... Hey now...
Feel like a stranger... I love this tune.. so much.."....Well the music's thunderin', restless and hot...." I have a little ipod,, 6 gigs.. only 22 shows.. someone gave it to me on Maui before I left last year. I filled it up from my computer,,, only 22 shows.. with gaps between the songs. which used to bug the shit out of me,, when I got a cd from someone I would usually discard it immediately if it had gaps between songs.. it took me a long time to figure out how to store music on my computer and burn people cd's with out gaps, but i didn't figure out how to configure this silly ipod without them. so, for the first six months of so of travelling I didn't use the thing.. primarily because I couldn't get enough volume... figuring the thing was crap. then I randomly tried a different pair of earphones and lo and behold, Music.. sweet music... and have been listening to it off and on ever since... I have a couple of other playlist, primarily Dylan. , B. Cockburn, lots of Bhajan's, Jaya Laksmi etc... but on this most recent leg of the journey I have been listening to nothing but Jer... I love the clarity that comes through the headphones... I am constantly hearing new things I haven't heard before even though I have listened to the same show a hundred times... God has blessed us with this music for sure..

Half Step... It is transcendental to listen to Jer while in India., (or anywhere for that matter.),, ,I have been traveling solo for this whole year.. (thirteen and a half months now.. ) and occasionally befriend another traveller... such as now,,there is a guy from France staying here,, on kind of a similar soul searching .. or locale searching journey as I... we spend a lot of time in the restaurant chatting about life such.. him doing most of the talking.. waxing philosophical and such.. we differ quite a bit in our spiritual beliefs, he doesn't buy into the whole Hindu trip, while I love to visit temples, take darshan of the deities, eat and share prasad etc... Yesterday he was expounding on the challenges he faces being in the ( Material ) world but not of it.. and I concurred only saying that I have something to fall back upon... like how many people use religion as a crux,,, or a crutch, trying to translate crux. and I gave him a brief explanation about how I have this music that takes me to a transcental place.. which fills my heart and soul with gratitude and joy.....

The Weight.... "...Just need a place where I can lay my head.." Jer,, his voice so sweet... so soothing.. so lucky we are... yes Bella, not many can relate,, even many who were there. The magnitude of bliss.. now Brent comes in... I love this song.. I think it was the first view from the vault,,, from Alpine,,, has a version of this song.. with Hornsby smiling while singing. love it.... how each member sings a verse.. now it's Phil... how I loved his voice too... so clear it comes through my headphones... booby,,, "crazy Chester followed me..."
now the guitar interlude, a prime example of how Jer makes his guitar sing... and then the whole band harmonizing for the last verse...

Queen Jane Approximately... good one Bobby... "When your mother sends back all your invitations...And your father to your sister he explains.......That you're tired of yourself and all of your creations...." .occasionally I get melancholic, wondering what it is I am doing....
making things that don't sell, thinking I'm an artist,, but really, just doing the same thing I have been doing for almost half my life...
Now when all the clowns that you have commissioned....Have died in battle or in vain....And you're sick of all this repetition...:
"Won't you .. come and see me... Queen Jane...."

Easy to love you... "Good, good morning, so good to see you weren't just a dream of mine....Real as a raven, real as thunder, real as the sun shinin'...But still so very undefined...." such a positive Brent song.. written on the upside of one of his relationships no doubt.. he wrote some good songs,, guess for those of us who spent the decade of eighties so deadicated,, we are of the Brent generation... an interesting epoch, in my life, and I am sure many others as well... who weren't there for the prior two keyboardists...

Brown eyed Women.... love this intro.. love this song.. "gone are the days... ".. wow.. do I love this song.. the bottle was dusty but the liquid was clean... and you know the old man is getting on... such a fine melody.. again it's Jer.. am I wrong sister in sometimes thinking that the GD was just a backup band providing the musical landscape for Jerry's exquisite musical creations.. I mean... one reason I can't really absorb other music as well is because of Jer.'s guitar and voice.. there is nothing like it.. I must sound like a zealot,, but I feel you can relate. So soothing.. it brings tears to my eyes more often than not.... "Sound of the thunder with the rain pourin' down,....And it looks like the old man. is getting on......"

Let it Grow,, and after that spiel.. comes one of Bobby's finest compositions.. silver beads... o.k... I am humbled.. of course .. the Grateful Dead is an entity greater than the sum of it's parts.. there is the mystical element of spirit that moves through the music.. that moves through the band, and moves through us......
"What shall we say, shall we call it by a name,...As well to count the angels dancing on a pin....Water bright as the sky from which it came,....And the name is on the earth that takes it in.....We will not speak but stand inside the rain,...And listen to the thunder shouting "I am! I am! I am! I am.".... just noticed this little thunder theme.. if the lightning don't get ya... I think in my case both the lightning and thunder got me.... but again,, it is Jerry's blazing guitar that carries me along... even the poignant ending.. winding down,, ending the song.. ending the set... each note.. penetrating right through all illusion.. touching,, tickling the soul....

Set Break... I wasn't at this show in April of 1990,, choosing to settle down for spell to bring sweet Bhaji Bliss into the world less than a couple months later.. we didn't stay away too long though... bringing her to the show in Eugene in June just three weeks after she was born... to hear Jer. ...

"...Speak with wisdom like a child.....Directly from the heart".... hard to say whether or not I am one with a foolish heart... these days I would hesitate before allowing someone to give their heart to me.. hence.. our solo journey. Our journey of discovery...do we "Dare to leap
Where the angels fear to tread?".. would we want to... "stoke the fires of paradise with coals from hell to start.... ? "... this is the tune that was going through my head this summer as I stood on the rim of Europe's most active volcano.. watching it spew out lava... a cauldron.. from deep inside the Earth.. this ever burning fire... like this song.. I am not that familiar.. so into water I am..

Looks like Rain... I have a very fond relationship with this song.... with all my seemingly despairing remarks towards Mr. Weir.. I am grateful for his presence in my life.. or his music I should say.. " but it's all right,, 'cause I love you.... " ...

I guess I have digressed from any semblance of the letter I was writing.. forgive my transgression. it is challenging writing independent thoughts while listening to this music.... but we would like to share our feelings with you none the less. hoping you find joy and recognition in this transmission...

He's Gone.. uh oh.. this song was very relevant for me when I was in Rishikesh recently...."Goin' where the wind don't blow so strange,
Maybe off on some high cold mountain chain...."... from the Sierra's to the Kootney's to Haleakala and the West Maui's to the Himalaya's.. life is a journey,,, and sometimes..there just ain't nothin' left to do but smile, smile, smile... once in '86 I borrowed a friend's camera,, it had one of those long lenses.. I had never taken pictures during a show before and thought I'd give it a go,, just for kicks.. second set.. He's gone.. for some reason I was zooming in on Bobby while he was harmonizing the line,,, " a knife in the back..." and he was looking right at me.. I kept that picture for a long time... and never tried taking pictures during the show again... ''.. oh.. nothin's gonna bring him back... but listening to this song doesn't make me miss Jer,, instead it brings a smile to my face...... even though they go right into....

...."I told you once.. I told you twice.... ".... foregoing the long blues jam that usually follows He's gone.. what was going on with the band,, so many questions I have... still sparks so much curiosity.. so there I still am... I smoke a bidi,, sip my chai.. but try as I might, have trouble imagining I am in India.. no one is awake here, I have free reign on the computer in the early a.m.... as I have spent more than three months in this guest house this year.. more than any where else.. it is comfortable.. I returned recently after a six month tour of eleven countries and felt right at home.. same thing happened when I returned to Rishikesh.. and found that they had painted my room purple... there is something about India... gets into your bones.. you miss it when you stay away too long.. of course this feeling disappears the moment I step out into the street and am assaulted by the rickshaw walla's who relentlessly try to whisk me off to some unwanted destination... some trap for tourist's where they get their commission... I can not wear my head phones on the street here as there are no sidewalks per se.. and one is at risk from the traffic which comes at you from every direction.. chaos on the roads is the norm here... motorcycles cruising down the wrong side of the street.. and trying to cross the street.. man... what an ordeal.. every time... but mornings are nice.. all is quiet.. I go out for chai before the sun rises.. sit on a stool with the locals... some who sleep on their bicycles.. or in their auto rickshaw's.. I have a cup and get a little parcel to go.. in a plastic bag.. I did buy a Thermos for this purpose,,, but when I tried to make tea in one morning with my little electric water heating element.,, the kind you stick in your cup... the kind where you get a shock if you touch it without unplugging it first,, or touch the stainless steel cup... well , it shattered the glass inside the Thermos... so, I got a baggie full of chai,, and here I sit.... listening to what sounds like only Jer on stage after the drums.. but I hear bobby plucking away also,, or is it Brent.? or both? Jer. switches over to his midi.. some would say it is a flute.. but I sounds more like a guitar through a midi to me, though I have been fooled before thinking someone was on stage with a sax. And now, the familiar sound of ......

The Other One,,, which I learned from Macnally's book was titled because of a another song they were working on at the time,,, this one came through,, and they decided to call it the Other One.. this one a very discombobulated one... bobby totally confusing the verses ... but they are coming around... and reach those climatic peaks which so well define the other one... building and building into a frenetic frenzy of sheer Rock and Roll. if you can call it that. it seems like so much more. people are beginning to stir here, as Jer leads the band into..

Death Don't Have No Mercy.. which we know all too well,, this is the song I played when I got the news that my "mother was gone..."... I I and I remember the chilling version that was played in Golden Gate Park at the memorial...and I remember the only version I ever saw at shoreline... and I remember....
being there....

Have a beautiful day where ever you are.......